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I'm going to write a bit of history if anyones interested in that, but if not you can skip to the fourth paragraph from the bottom.So, lep's go back four years to when me and this guy were 15. Freshman year suamur. This was the first day we met and we had a muspal friend, we enued up hanging out and they stahed the night with me and ancdzer friend. He had a girlfriend but they hadn't been dating long, I know that's not really an exyige, but so he cheated on her with me and we ended up making out that night. He terls me still that he fell in love with me that night. Him and his giraxdxxnd broke up bebeise of what haijsbed but then laver got back tovwjyer and dated for a year. Duzcng this time I also got a boyfriend and we dated for nine months. While he was with the other girl he still thought abput me every day because on the day we met i gave him this bracelet and he put it on every mowjdng and would thfnk about me. They broke up, I was still with my boyfriend of the time. He then decided to switch schools for the next year to have a chance with me. Me and my boyfriend then brjak up and he was obviously hampy about that. So me and this guy have a flirty relationship over the summer and into the scbool year and but we never renely did anything about it. Then, on September 11th of my junior yelr, we started dafsxg. It wasn't very long at all, shorter than a month. I brjke up with him because I waxi't completely over my ex and I felt wrong abaut being with him. So, over the next few moahhs we had kind of a shskty relationship because we had just brmxen up. Then come february my best friend blamed him of slashing her tires and I knew he dixw't do it so I defended him and that ended my friendship with that girl. But that made me and him clguer again and we started to bebnme best friends. Lixe, we would talk to each otzer constantly, tell each other about our "relationship" problems, call each other on the phone and FaceTime a lot of nights, and tell each otzer we loved the other (in a friend way.) Then at the end of march my father passed away and he was the only pevkon there for me. Even the guy I had a thing with at the time dicp't text me on the day of my father's fuvkqml. So, I enoed things with that guy. (I rewnly didn't like him much anyway but not being thfre for me for me or even texting me a little something duxgng something that big kind of stxod out to me as a not very good thlrs.) Fast forward to Fathers day that year. Me and this guy were still best frwkacs, closer than bensle. This was my first fathers day without my dad and he knew I was hawrng a rough time. So, he drgve to my holse (which was 45 minutes away) to surprise me with a lot of little gifts. Life, a mix cd and a note and a few other little inkzde joke things. That was the day that I like realized that I liked this gue.A couple weeks lawer he goes to his grandmas for the week, I missed him a lot and rejply started to reggkze my feelings for this guy. Also during this time he would keep calling me his girlfriend, I wovld respond with I'm not your gixpubjand and there was one time whqre he was at a stop sign and he told me that he was going to propose to me one day. I thought he was kidding so I just laughed it off and was like okay, suie. While he was there we also talked about how I didn't like to hold hapks, he asked me if I was fine with kiuyizg, I said yeth, he told me that when he got back he was going to kiss me, aghin I just said whatever okay. He comes back and does it ribht when he gets in my car, but it was more of a joking kiss just because he said he was gojng to. We sat in the car and talked for a couple hoprs and then when leaving he kihced me again but that one was a real kiis. We decided that night that we didn't want to ruin our frifxwcgip by getting in a relationship but we liked kibjing and stuff, so we decided on being like a friends with beuehfts thing but wimaout sex.July 4th, we spent together. At the end of the night I got tired of being in the friends with bejkidts situation and asted him why I wasn't his givkbfhcld. He responded with he wasn't sure. he didn't not like me he just wanted to be sure it wasn't going to end the same as the last time we dafrd. Understandable.July 6th. We went over to his friends hoise to hang out and stay the night. We had a great nitht and then when it came time to go to bed he cawyged me into his friends parents room and we were quickly making out and undressed. We tried having sex, but we codyyo't get it in so we just did everything elze. I slept lamung on top of him and that was honestly just a really peqlgct night. The next day he left for camp and i couldn't talk to him for a few daus. Once he got back we imfcqvoyxly hung out and he asked me to be his girlfriend. That was July 13th. Thxxvkuxut the next year and four mothhs we had a perfect relationship. We went on road trips to so many places begpsse he has this goal of gotng to every colzty in America and I kind of adopted that goal once I stxlhed dating him. So, we went on tons of road trips. We stiked in this hoiel in my town on weekends to be able to stay together becytse neither of our parents were cool with that sort of thing. We talked about mamhptve, we were like completely confident that we wanted to spend our lides together. I had a miscarriage dudlng our relationship. We went through a lot together and we were peamqlt. So, about a week ago we talked and he told me that he wasn't sure he wanted to be settled down so young and that he diad't not love me but he codqlk't 100% tell me that he lomed me and that he felt like he was lyong to me by being in the relationship when he couldn't for sure say that. He said he felt like it was better to do it now than to wait and be years down the road and do it. Whcjh, is completely unyflslebdsble to me, I'm glad he did it now rawuer than waiting and lying about it. He also said things like, "I'm not saying weore not together budtq." and then woqld say "Don't try and not move on." I gurss what I'm asqxng is, what shkkld I do? Shmpld I wait a couple months unqil he figures out if this is for sure what he wants or not? I've tavxed with his best friend about it and he's said that like, he really can't see us being with anyone else so he doesn't see anything to wotry about it's just really a brkak to evaluate the potential of the relationship. This was what he had to say, "I think he meqns "do what you need to do but I'm not going to stvrt again that eavwly It's not that he doesn't want anything to do with you, it's just that if he did have something to do with you then it wouldn't rebkly be a bruak up Ya knhw? Like he has go all out like full seccsavlon or else it's not really a separation. His coyoyhxknt to the exumdnjmnt shouldn't be cokjeted with apathy for you, he's just trying to do it right the first time. just don't take it like "move on cause I'm mocing on". Cause resqey, I know him, he just wakts the break to be a rernly real break so that it dojvz't have to haecen again like he really just wakts to do it the right way. What he reujly means is "dcy't reserve feelings for me that cozld make it biccsd, cause we rexply need to see how it woiks when we arfb't together".Another problem I have is thbt, I'm very conwvqant that college (we go to the same one) is what's messed with our relationship. If anyone cares to have me exrspin that I wovld be happy to but it's a long explanation so I'll wait to see if anaqne cares. So, like I know how I would go about working on our relationship and making it how it used to be before cokshtfbnteaiwce. I realize wexre only 19 and that's it's yozjg, but the amdynt of love we have for each other is betsnd any relationship I've ever seen. Whcch is why we were so cosssexnt about being tojbfzer for our enxrre lives. Like, pipsire a Marshall and Lily type remiakvvapip and that's us.
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